Talk to my hands: non-verbal communication

You are about to speak in public, give an interview or, more simply, meet new contacts, and you have carefully prepared your speech. Be careful! Your gestures, your attitude, your gaze and your clothing say much more than words, unconsciously conveying your emotions.

“Be wary of first impressions, they’re always right!” Jean Cocteau used to say. And it’s true! When we meet someone for the first time, even before we exchange a single word, we judge them on their appearance, the way they dress, how they behave in the space around them, and their gestures. This is what we call non-verbal communication. 93% of communication is non-verbal, with only 7% coming from the meaning of words.

This is not about giving recipes. You just need to make sure you have a good grasp of various elements so that your attitude matches the type of speech and does not contradict it.

Voice is the primary element.

It is made up of timbre, volume, rate and intonation. While timbre is unique to each individual, volume must be adapted to suit the context and the audience. A voice that is difficult to hear or that does not reach the whole audience will convey a feeling of lack of control over the subject, of unease or doubt about the speaker. As for speech rate, if it is too fast, it can convey unease and nervousness. Finally, intonation is crucial: the tone of voice literally brings the words to life. In a way, it is the melody of our speeches, and it is essential to modulate the tone of your voice in order to capture the audience’s attention.

Of course, posture also contributes to this communication.

Your general body position, the tilt of your head, and how you position yourself in front of an interlocutor send unconscious messages to them: a straight back, feet firmly planted on the ground, controlled hands and a steady gaze are all elements projecting self-confidence, solidity, strength and a certain charisma.

A back curved forward and a fleeting gaze, on the contrary, indicate an impression of shyness, discomfort, or lack of self-confidence. Crossed arms or legs, meanwhile, denote a closed-off attitude.

Body language is essential because each of your gestures is unconsciously interpreted by your interlocutor and can determine the outcome of a negotiation, for example, or completely discredit someone’s intervention: running your hand through your hair, rubbing your nose, mouth or chin are all signs that can betray a lie or great anxiety, as can jerky or rapid movements. On the contrary, broad, controlled and slow movements are signs of self-confidence.

Finally, eye contact is the cornerstone of this communication. Often referred to as the “mirror of the soul”, it conveys and betrays your every emotion. Sometimes, eye contact alone is enough to answer a question, and its intensity can either reassure the person it is directed at or unsettle them. Whether present, insistent, fixed, unstable, evasive, directed upwards or downwards, direct or distracted, it conveys a multitude of messages: domination, manipulation, evasion, anxiety, annoyance, boredom, anger, warmth, sympathy, etc.

The simplest thing is still to look your interlocutors in the eyes, with a certain warmth but without an insistence that could make them uncomfortable. It’s a delicate balance.

There are so many more things to say about other elements such as silence, distance, dress code, and the cultural differences specific to each country, which make this one of the most fascinating subjects there is. Just remember that a tiny gesture can convey powerful emotions.